Driving lessons started last weekend. I wanted to be upfront, so I started off by explaining exactly how old and exactly how nervous I am. I’m sure my instructor, Wendy, must have thought I was a crazy person, but she was super sweet and patient. She kept reassuring me that I was doing great, and that she couldn’t even tell I was nervous at all. (Definitely lies, but lies that made me feel good.) I didn’t expect to be out on the streets so quickly, but after just a few minutes of going over some basic instructions, we hit the road! Since it was early in the morning, there weren’t many cars out at all, and soon I was (somewhat) confidently breezing along the empty streets.
The lesson this week was not quite so breezy. I had an evening class this time, and there were tons of cars on the road. I freaked out. All my nerves came back. I was shaking every time I had to make a turn, and kept stopping the car way before the stop signs. I pretty much forgot everything poor Wendy had been telling me.
A big part of me wanted to jump out of the car and run to the nearest subway stop to renew my unlimited Metrocard. But I really want to do this, and I can’t spend my life running away from things just because they make me uncomfortable. So I kept telling myself to take a deep, centering breath and listen to Wendy’s pep talks. And I managed to keep myself in the car.
I was still feeling pretty shaky by end of the hour, but my driving was much smoother. Wendy had me drive straight for a while, and I was feeling good about ending the lesson without killing anyone. Then all of a sudden she told me to make another left… onto Cross Bay Boulevard! My inner monologue was going nuts – sounding something like OMG I CAN’T DO IT WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE I’VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE NOW!
But, there was nowhere to go, so I listened to Wendy’s instructions, made the turn, and then there I was, driving with six lanes of traffic on the Boulevard.
I only drove for a few blocks until we ended up at my drop off point, which, perfectly enough, is the Starbucks. I know I have lots of work in front of me – I need much more practice, have to memorize my stop signs, and need to build my own confidence up instead of relying solely on Wendy’s positivity. But at least for now, I can say that I faced some fears, and I definitely earned myself my frappuccino.
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