The Middle of My Movie

If my life were a movie, I’m afraid it would be Bridget Jones right now.  I’ve been having a lot of clumsy heroine type of moments recently, moments that would fit right in to the middle of a Bridget Jones movie. You know, like when Bridget is trying her very best to get herself together, stop drinking too much wine and reading too many self-help books… and then she falls off her treadmill.

My most recent hapless heroine moment: I failed my driving test. And I failed without ever leaving the curb.

I don't know what happened. I didn’t even think I was nervous the day of the test. I was doing all my best deep breathing, positive thinking, cracking jokes with my driving teacher and the other student who was taking the test with me.

And then the test started. I sat down, adjusted my seat, adjusted my mirrors. I went to turn on the car and I have no idea how, but the windshield wipers came on. And, I freaked out. I had no idea how it happened, and no idea how to make it stop. Then the horribly mean DMV lady started yelling at me to “turn it off!!!” so I turned the car completely off… then turned it back on, and there go the windshield wipers again. So she yelled at me some more, and I did the exact same thing again, hoping I guess that it would go better the second time? (It didn’t.) Then, I just started frantically pushing and pressing every control I could possibly reach in the car.

FINALLY the wipers stopped moving, the car was running, and I got ready to pull out. I signaled left, checked my mirror, checked my blindspot… and I drove the car right into the curb.

And then the test was over.

So I have to wonder – what would happen to Bridget next? We all know she never becomes totally self-assured and graceful by the end of the movie… but she does end up with Colin Firth, who loves her just the way she is. So maybe there’s hope for me yet. Guess this mess of a heroine is off to schedule some more lessons…