The Middle of My Movie

If my life were a movie, I’m afraid it would be Bridget Jones right now.  I’ve been having a lot of clumsy heroine type of moments recently, moments that would fit right in to the middle of a Bridget Jones movie. You know, like when Bridget is trying her very best to get herself together, stop drinking too much wine and reading too many self-help books… and then she falls off her treadmill.

My most recent hapless heroine moment: I failed my driving test. And I failed without ever leaving the curb.

I don't know what happened. I didn’t even think I was nervous the day of the test. I was doing all my best deep breathing, positive thinking, cracking jokes with my driving teacher and the other student who was taking the test with me.

And then the test started. I sat down, adjusted my seat, adjusted my mirrors. I went to turn on the car and I have no idea how, but the windshield wipers came on. And, I freaked out. I had no idea how it happened, and no idea how to make it stop. Then the horribly mean DMV lady started yelling at me to “turn it off!!!” so I turned the car completely off… then turned it back on, and there go the windshield wipers again. So she yelled at me some more, and I did the exact same thing again, hoping I guess that it would go better the second time? (It didn’t.) Then, I just started frantically pushing and pressing every control I could possibly reach in the car.

FINALLY the wipers stopped moving, the car was running, and I got ready to pull out. I signaled left, checked my mirror, checked my blindspot… and I drove the car right into the curb.

And then the test was over.

So I have to wonder – what would happen to Bridget next? We all know she never becomes totally self-assured and graceful by the end of the movie… but she does end up with Colin Firth, who loves her just the way she is. So maybe there’s hope for me yet. Guess this mess of a heroine is off to schedule some more lessons…

One week till my road test...

... and some how I'm still mixing up the gas pedal and the brake? (eek!) I'm not sure how this is going to go. But, in general, I think it is probably a good sign that my driving instructor (still the most supportive person in the world) has started allowing for off-topic conversation. She's been playing music, asking me for restaurant suggestions, and giving me tips about speed dating. I'm going to take that I'm doing better than I think I am... as long as I can stay calm and keep track of my brake and gas!

On Facing Fears, and The Nicest Person Ever

My driving instructor is seriously the nicest person I’ve ever met, and thank goodness for that.

Driving lessons started last weekend. I wanted to be upfront, so I started off by explaining exactly how old and exactly how nervous I am.  I’m sure my instructor, Wendy, must have thought I was a crazy person, but she was super sweet and patient. She kept reassuring me that I was doing great, and that she couldn’t even tell I was nervous at all. (Definitely lies, but lies that made me feel good.) I didn’t expect to be out on the streets so quickly, but after just a few minutes of going over some basic instructions, we hit the road! Since it was early in the morning, there weren’t many cars out at all, and soon I was (somewhat) confidently breezing along the empty streets.

The lesson this week was not quite so breezy.  I had an evening class this time, and there were tons of cars on the road. I freaked out. All my nerves came back. I was shaking every time I had to make a turn, and kept stopping the car way before the stop signs. I pretty much forgot everything poor Wendy had been telling me.

A big part of me wanted to jump out of the car and run to the nearest subway stop to renew my unlimited Metrocard. But I really want to do this, and I can’t spend my life running away from things just because they make me uncomfortable.  So I kept telling myself to take a deep, centering breath and listen to Wendy’s pep talks. And I managed to keep myself in the car.

I was still feeling pretty shaky by end of the hour, but my driving was much smoother. Wendy had me drive straight for a while, and I was feeling good about ending the lesson without killing anyone. Then all of a sudden she told me to make another left… onto Cross Bay Boulevard! My inner monologue was going nuts – sounding something like OMG I CAN’T DO IT WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE I’VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE NOW!

But, there was nowhere to go, so I listened to Wendy’s instructions, made the turn, and then there I was, driving with six lanes of traffic on the Boulevard.

I only drove for a few blocks until we ended up at my drop off point, which, perfectly enough, is the Starbucks. I know I have lots of work in front of me – I need much more practice, have to memorize my stop signs, and need to build my own confidence up instead of relying solely on Wendy’s positivity. But at least for now, I can say that I faced some fears, and I definitely earned myself my frappuccino.

Shut Up and Drive (Remixed)

My 5 hour pre-licensing class was yesterday, and I learned quite a lot. Some of the highlights:

·         It is very, very easy to kill someone while driving.

·         It is very, very easy to get killed while driving.

·         My glasses might be cute, but they will get me killed. My 62 year old instructor (a total look-alike for Marie from “Everybody Loves Raymond” btw) said, and I quote, “you can walk around looking pretty in those glasses. You can wear them to the club. But don’t you dare wear them to drive.”

Um, ok. More anxious now than ever! But my driving test is scheduled for 8/2, so I’m going to do my best to get past it before then... we'll see? In any case, I guess I'll be wearing my contacts that day.

Shut Up and Drive

Today I’m finally starting driving lessons. And I am TERRIFIED.

The first and last time that I was behind the wheel was five years ago, when I was living in Phoenix. It was the first time that I’d ever lived somewhere that you really need a car to get around. And it was a major shock. I was lucky enough to have wonderful roommates who were constantly driving me around. But still, it was difficult to have to depend on other people for rides all the time… or to risk heat exhaustion walking myself around.  I would be dying for a NY Times and a frappucino, but the nearest Starbucks was about two (hot, dry) miles away. And sure, I walked it many times, but it was definitely unpleasant.

So one day my roommate Joe tried to teach me how to drive. We took our trusty old Nissan, Ms. Grace, to a completely empty parking lot. I just knew it was going to be great.

And it was a disaster. The car would inch forward, and I would get nervous, screech, and slam down on the brakes.  I would try turning a little bit to the left, get nervous, screech, and slam on the brakes.  I’d see a person walking three blocks away, get nervous, screech, and slam on the brakes.

Disaster.

Luckily for me, Joe is the nicest guy in the world and was way more patient with me than I deserved. But still, there was only so much screeching and braking I could subject him to.  It just wasn’t worth risking our friendship and/or permanently harming Ms. Grace’s frail old brakes.  So that was the end of driving lessons, and it was back to sweaty walks to Starbucks for me.

Fast forward five years, and I’ve finally decided to brave it again. I know that driving will help me to feel more adult and more independent.  So many things would be easier - I’d actually be able to buy as many groceries as I want without worrying about how I’ll carry them home, run out for lunch if I want to without depending on a coworker, rent a car on vacation… And maybe most importantly, where I live now I have to take a BUS to get to Starbucks. That’s just not working for me.  Imagine one day being able to drive myself there anytime I want a latte… the world would be my oyster.

But first, I have to face the terror of lessons again. Hopefully by now I’ve grown up enough to refrain from screeching at the instructor? I guess we'll see!